When I found out what happened Monday morning, a dark cloud of sadness and confusion came over me. I tried to put myself in his family’s place; the pain they must be going through. I tried to put myself in Tony’s place. What drove him to do this? What made him so sad? As I sat there trying to make sense of it all, I decided to go through my yearbooks and pictures. I found what Tony had wrote in my sophomore yearbook and it had this website…here I am.

One memory of Tony that stands out is Field Day 2002, our senior year. We were all sitting around waiting to be dismissed when we found out Bobby Stevenson had died. Tony was sitting right behind me. I remember how shocked we all were and thinking, “I hope we never have to go through this.” And here we are, experiencing the same pain and sadness. A little too ironic.

It’s been three years since we’ve lasted talked. The last time I talked to Tony was the fall of freshman year of college, online. Maybe I could have been a better friend, checked how he was doing, taken five minutes from my day to say hello, but now I’m left with the “what-ifs,” as I’m sure we all are. If I’ve learned anything from all of this, it’s that friendships are so valuable. I only hope that this can bring old friendships back together.

I sat next to Tony in at least one class every term during high school, plus homeroom junior year. I could sit and talk to Tony about hockey all day. He shared the same love of the blues that I did. Every year I’d be mad the Blues lost in the playoffs, and Tony would always say, “So we lost a few, we’ll still take the Cup.” How I wish you would’ve been right. A hockey game and the playoffs will never be the same without you here.

You always made me value myself. Live every teenage girl does, I doubted myself. You always made me see the best in myself. You told me I was a bright girl and to keep working hard and it will pay off. I followed your advice and it’s working. In my senior yearbook you wrote, “Your dreams will come true, just as long as you don’t give up on them.” I haven’t given up on my dreams, why did you have to? Why couldn’t you see that there was light at the end of your darkness and sadness? Why couldn’t you realize there are people here who care about you and love you?

Even though you and I were not very close, you were still my friend. I have so many memories of you. You and Ruben performing “Who’s on First” and your book cover of quotes from Mr. Burke are just a few of my favorites. And who can forget Chicago? I love that picture of our group posing in front of the bus, with you acting like a delivery boy with that silly hat on.

I will miss your laugh, your intelligence and your sense of humor. Most of all, I am going to miss that bright smile of yours. I’ll always remember that smile every time I look at pictures of Prom. You looked so handsome. I asked you to take a picture with me and right before we did, you took my hand and dipped me. That memory will stay with me for the rest of my life. Thank you.

I will never forget you, Tony. You will always have a special place in my heart.

And so, for you, I will do as you said in your senior quote. I will rent Requium For A Dream and watch it. I’m sorry life wasn’t better than you deserved.

We miss you and we love you, Tony, until we meet again.

Megan Cunningham